no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
