Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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