Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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