Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Can I color on your dick again?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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