look no pants
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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