So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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