Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
