physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...