Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I think I won the penis lottery.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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