I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
