I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
