I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
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