I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
