Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
