I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize