yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Just high enough for therapy.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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