You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
