Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
my sisters under your porch take her home
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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