Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
