My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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