I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
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Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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