People in love make me want to vomit
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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