so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
