Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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