i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
