Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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