Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
