This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
it glows. i had to have it.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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