I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
