last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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