he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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