Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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