the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
