Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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