Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
