You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
