i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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