I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
