FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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