question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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