garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
