There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
she looked like the before picture.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
