It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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