Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
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Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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