he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
