sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
