I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
