five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
