he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
