great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
