I just pynch a tree in the face
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
