Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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