you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
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P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
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My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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