id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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