P.S. I can't hear my feet
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
So vagazzling was a success