my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.