I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Some Animals Are Total Jerks (10+ pics)
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day