I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.