She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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