Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
