I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
