I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
